What a difference three years makes...

 9/9/2010

9/16/2013

It almost makes me gasp to see the difference.

There are days that I can't believe that she hasn't always been as big as she is this day.
They grow so subtly... (except for the pants that just won't cover ankles by the end of a winter). But today I came across this picture of Maylin sitting on our pony and almost fell out of my seat. "She was once this small?" That picture was 6 months after bringing her home.
Now three years later there she sits on grandma's horse looking all grown up looking beautiful.

Maylin is our complex little girl who has had a complex little life. I'd love to say that her gotcha day was the end of that complexity but in reality that is far from the truth. A more realistic take on the situation was that it was a tumultuous day. (Even though we saw no tears or any acting out that day) It was a day she had to let go of her past, good or not, and trust go with two strangers who didn't speak her language, didn't look like her and couldn't even pronounce her name very well.

Trust is a word I wouldn't use for a long time. Sure there began to be a trust that she was going to be be fed, trust that she was going to have a safe place to sleep, but trust deep down in her heart that someone loves her, trust that someone REALLY loves her.. well that is an eternal work in progress.

Because of this lack of trust this precious girl can sometimes be mistaken for being a little "strong willed" just for the sake of being strong willed. Sure sometimes that is the case (what kid doesn't have their moment) but more times than not it's because she feels like she doesn't have control or because she doesn't have a voice, which can then lead to feeling like she "isn't safe" (her own words). And lets face it when I don't feel safe I am often ready to fight!

Most of her early childhood she had no voice. She didn't have a voice when she was abandoned, abused, neglected, she didn't have a voice when we, two foreigners, took her away from her foster family...  with no voice one learns to make a voice... que the strong will, que excitability, que the tears.
I think she and I are learning to understand each other's voices and I honestly do think she feels safe with Adam and I 99% of the time.

For the most part Maylin is a happy-go-lucky, push life to the limits kind of girl. Not many understand the vulnerability deep within which can occasionally cause her to sink her heels in.

I pray each day that she will see her needs met, not just physical needs but deep rooted emotional needs. I pray that those around her are able to see the vulnerable girl behind the strong, confident personality. I pray that she receives love, patience and grace.

For any of you who have, know or want adoptive children (older adoptions, or infant adoptions) click on the link below it is a GREAT video to help you understand the voice of the child. It is about an hour so set some time or watch it in segments but WATCH it. I promise it will shed light into the child and help you understand the voice they have/are creating.
Better Understanding our Children

Maylin and a Campfire

Well she isn't as interested in the "fire" as Pierson,

 unless of course it involves marshmallows. ;)

 She does love her sweets. But as soon as those are gone she is pretty much done with the fire.  She might poke a stick in from time to time but for the most part she would rather play on the swing set or on this night...

 pretend she is Merida from the movie Brave. She is super excited about the Merida dress Grandma Ann has made for her for Halloween.

 And you better believe she is practicing her archery skills with her homemade bow and arrow. Yep this little girl made her own bow and arrow out of a stick and yarn. Her arrows... they are made out of smaller sticks.

 Believe it not it actually works pretty well.

Come Halloween she will be a pretty awesome Merida!

Where Oh Where Has My Little Squirrel Gone

Apparently we have a squirrel nest behind our basketball goal. Occasionally we can hear it scratching around.  I thought it was cool and tried to see the squirrel. Pierson thought it was interesting and stood around for a while to see if he could get a glimpse. 

Maylin on the other hand became... well... obsessed. She wanted to see that squirrel! Not just a glimpse of it, but she wanted to see the whole thing. She pulled her ipod out and tried to use sounds to scare it out...

When that method didn't work she started trying nice music to lure it out.

She called to it and she whistled.

Pierson came back by and tried to knock on the wall and get it out.

A lot of time went by but Maylin's resolve to see that squirrel didn't waver. There aren't many things that keep Maylin's interest... apparently, however, squirrels are... well... just that interesting.

Here's to hoping that squirrel makes an appearance soon. :)

Two friends having girl time

Mayllin and the Pre-team

Maylin is a funny little thing. She is PAINFULLY afraid of being in front of people.  She is nervous about new situations and terrified that people will look at her or worse laugh at her. Yet almost inexplicably she can and will talk to ANY perfect stranger as if she has known them her whole life. She will ask anyone their name and their life story. I honestly think talking to people is her way of controlling her environment and the 'unknown'. 

All this to say... On her first day of her new gymnastics class she was nervous. It was an environment she was not in control of. I didn't know if there would be any girls she knew from her previous class... I didn't even know who was going to be coaching this class. 

As it turned out there were no familiar faces and there was only one other 7 year old in her class. The rest of the girls were all older.  On the way there she told me her belly was nervous and she asked me "What if I can't do what the big girls can do and they laugh at me?" 

Of course I assured her that this class is only for girls on her level!

As she walked in the gym and quickly scanned the room for familiar faces one would have never known that she was nervous. 

She had her game face on. She walked right in put her shoes and water bottle in her cubby and lined up without flinching. She started asking other girls their names. 

I was glad that the class started with her original coach. There were a few other coaches in the room whom she had never met. She kept an eye on them and as one of them passed by while she was stretching she asked him his name. He enthusiastically told her and asked her name. That seemed to satisfy her and make her more comfortable. 

 As it turns out that same coach worked with her class on the bars and vault. I was glad Maylin already had made that interaction with him before he took over her class. I could see that made it OK for her. She even looked excited and asked him if he remembered her name. Her eyes lit up when he did. From that point on she had a friend and she became her spunky self... afraid of nothing.

During the rest of class she had a blast and enjoyed trying new things!

I think she is heading in the right direction! Gymnastics is going well too. ;)

Preteam

Doing a lot of this

 at home and in the gym leads to this...

Tonight as her regular gymnastics class wrapped up her coach called her over as the other girls were leaving. I wondered what they were talking about and wondered what the paper the coach was handing her said but thought I would let Maylin handle this on her own.  When Maylin turned around, she was trying to contain herself but had the biggest grin on her face. She came right over and asked me to read the letter to her. She told me that her coach said she was proud of her and that she was ready for a harder class!

Maylin can be hard to read and is extremely guarded with her feelings but as I read the full letter to her in the car she was physically shaking with excitement. I SO wish I had videoed her reaction as I read. She clasped her hands together and clenched her jaw as she grinned and giggled with excitement! It was nice to see her truly happy about something she accomplished on her own. It was beautiful to watch. I'll cherish that ride home together for years to come.

 I was so happy for her! We talked and laughed the whole way home. She couldn't wait to tell Daddy so I called him and had him meet us outside in the driveway! She about jumped out of the car before it stopped! But as soon as she got out of the car she slowed down and nonchalantly walked up to him to show him the paper. I think she was just waiting to see if she earned his approval before she showed him how excited she was. Of coarse Daddy equally shared his excitement with her and she relished it.

Maylin loves gymnastics. We would NEVER encourage her to put more hours in at the gym or push her into a sport if it wasn't her idea. Adding another hour a week at the gym... well it really isn't going to change our lives that much, but for one little girl it meant the world that someone saw something special in her and that the people who love her the most celebrated her accomplishments.

(PS she slept with this letter last night and came out with it in her hands this morning!)

Gymnastics: Maylin's favorite pass time

Maylin: I want to go to the 'lympics
Me: OK but you have to work really hard and practice a lot.
Maylin: hmmm... ok I will.  will you sign me up tomorrow?

If only it were that easy sweet girl.

Digging Deep

As I was pulling out Maylin's play coat from deep in the closet (which hasn't moved from last winter) I thought to myself, "Gee this coat is heavier than I remembered." 

   And then I heard the unmistakable sound of rocks clinking together.   

My girl does love some "shiny rocks"!

May your pockets always be full of things you love.

May your heart always be shiny and happy! 

Cutest Sassy-Frass I Know

She REALLY liked her hat from the hospital.

This was taken after her endoscopy before all the meds had worked out of her system. She was pretty silly and wobbly which was a funny for a while but I was certainly glad it wore off quickly because in true Maylin fashion she wanted to climb everything. On an ordinary day her climbing skills can take your breath away but this day her balance was WAY off. Standing up straight was a challenge.
I am glad to say that the endoscopy showed nothing unusual which is good but it still doesn't answer her persistent stomach discomfort. ???

 

Date Night With Daddy

I have a husband who is amazing. He is a family man. He is a protector. He is gentle spirit. He is a defender. He is a peace maker. He is a role model. He is passive but will stand up for his family when he needs to. 

I am so lucky to have him. 

My children are so lucky to have him. 

Maylin is lucky to have a daddy to show her how she should be treated. 

What date is complete without flowers?

 Have you ever seen a more excited face. That's the face of a princess.

 I think she was slightly appreciative. That is a hug full of trust, love and compassion.

 She was excited about dressing up in her "fancy dress" and going to a "fancy restaurant" with daddy.

 This is a little girl who knows she is loved.

 Maylin has plenty of reason not to trust people. It is now our job as her parents to teach her to trust and to teach her how she should be treated. Look at that grin. I think we are off to a good start!

"Have a great date night Honey!"
May this be the beginning of a long road of trusting relationships!

They Call me "Snaggle Tooth!"

Maylin is one determined little girl.
Saturday night as we drove by a Toys R Us Maylin asked if she could go buy a treat. I said you need to save your money and then maybe we can go. She sighed because she knew that her piggy bank was empty. (She likes to play with her coins and usually looses them before she can spend them).

Then she brightly said, "I know! If I loose my tooth the tooth fairy will bring me some money!"

I replied, "Well yes but your tooth isn't quite ready to come out, but when it does I am sure the tooth fairy will bring you a couple of dollars."

Maylin: "Oh Thank you Mommy! Thank you!"

Me: ??? "thanks for what Sugar Bug?

Maylin: "You gave me a great idea! Can I break my tooth out?"

Me: "Ummm???.... That is going to hurt honey! Maybe you should wait a few more days."

Silence... followed by the loudest crunching and cracking noise a loose tooth could possibly make!
It kept going and going and going!

I finally had to turn the radio WAY UP so I couldn't hear it anymore. Ugh! It still gives me the willies to think about it!

After a 20 minute ride home she marched into the house. Went for the paper towels and then pulled with gusto to get that tooth out.

She has never been more pleased with herself.

For the record the tooth fairy had to go digging to find some cash. She managed to find 20 dimes! lol  It was either that or a $20 bill.  And well... inflation isn't quite that steep.

So she got her $2 worth of dimes. She let me know around 5:00 am that she now had money to go to the store with! ..."Great Honey! But the stores aren't open yet." I said.
Wouldn't you know that by 9:00am the dimes were LOST!  Ah the saga of a little girls life.

"That Girl is AWESOME!"

Maylin was slightly impressed by the "Fab Five".

Gymnastics Camp

Me: Maylin do you want to go to gymnastics camp?

Maylin: Nope

Me: Are you sure?

Maylin: Maybe..

Several days later...

Me: Maylin do you want to go to gymnastics camp?

Maylin: Yes. I already told you that Mommy. 

Of course you did sweetie???

So off to gymnastics camp we went!

 The first morning she wasn't sure about going. She was nervous about having different people in her class than her normal Tuesday night friends. I try not to push too hard right now. Without pulling out my "behavioral health background" card I'll just say that she has some insecurities to overcome. Some times she handles situations head on and is a brave little trooper. Many times she takes a little bit of coaxing. Sometimes she becomes straight up defiant. Even so, I am very proud of her for the efforts she made during gymnastics camp.

 Each morning when she was dropped off she clung to her coach for about 15 minutes but then eventually relaxed and became comfortable with her surroundings. Each day when I came in to pick her up she was ALL smiles and doing her best!  Just look at those pointed toes! :)

 She did make friends and I really felt like she became a little more confident in her gymnastics.

 She really likes her coach who is supportive and kind yet expects the kids to work hard and follow directions. It is a perfect combination for Maylin. Maylin will work hard but typically only on her terms... Yes, I know she is 6 and she should work hard on adults terms as well, and she will, so long as that adult isn't forcing her to do so. The second she begins to feel like she is being forced into something her back stiffens up and 'Defiant Maylin' shows up. Again... you would need to understand all she has been through to tolerate this behavior. She appears to be a tough cookie, but inside she is a fragile egg shell which can be cracked so easily. Most people have no idea she is cracking on the inside because she hides it so well most of the time. There are a very short list of people who Maylin trusts and responds well too 95% of the time. There is no one, myself included, who she fully trusts 100% of the time.

 I am so glad that, at least for now, her coach seems to be one of those people she responds to. Her little body seems to be a good fit for gymnastics but even more importantly gymnastics seems to be a good sport for her soul. It is an individual sport yet at the same time it forces her to work with and around others as well.

 She was all smiles on the last day of camp!

 Getting a group photo.

She was SUPER proud of her 'achievement' ribbon! She carried it around like she just won Olympic gold!
She even carried it through the grocery store later that day and begged to buy cookies for her CELEBRATION! I for one have never been able to resist a good cookie or a reason to celebrate.
So... HAPPY RED ACHIEVEMENT RIBBON Maylin! Here's to many more!